Eulogy for Kim Saretsky Endlich
Kim "Just Kim" Saretsky (she and all of her siblings had first names that couldn't be shortened), is one of the dearest souls of my life. Her kindness to the disadvantaged, disabled and disenfranchised folks in Peekskill, Westchester County, NY, and beyond was exemplary. A talented musician, her drumming was a passion that she and I shared. She had what she herself referred to a "exotic" face accented by "Yonkers brows." I seem to recall her saying she was a cheerleader in high school, where she was quite svelte and lithe in the pictures on the wall of her father's home in Yonkers, NY. However, Kim was challenged by obesity since her college sorority days when the "freshmen fifteen" ballooned. Her breathing was also challenged, with trips to the E.R. and hospital stays due to asthma. Although, I have no information to support it I suspect this health condition was responsible for her passing away in the autumn of 2K8.
by Reverend R Clark, 22AUG2K9Kim and I "met" on the Djembe-L listserv on OneList (nowadays Yahoogroups) ten years earlier, in 1998. Today, August 22, would be her birthday if she were still celebrating them and on this occasion I write this message about her and our time together to gain closure for myself and for a chapter in the history of the listserv.
Kim loved to write, aspired to be screenwriter and she wrote a very touching essay on list about an experience she'd had with Omari, a nine year old African American prodigy drummer, at one of Kazi Oliver's drumming events. She sent it to Djembe-L. I told her that she wrote very well and that I was truly touched by it. Kim wrote back saying that what I wrote was one of the kindest things possible in light of her aspirations as a professional author. This began a several month period of direct offlist email correspondence between us. There was much warmth in this exchange.
At the time we were both involved with others. She was having a clandestine affair with Kazi Oliver, her drum teacher who has also recently passed away. I was amicably separated due to my parents needing me to provide in home care for them in Florida while my girlfriend at the time attended college in Pennsylvania. There was much warmth in our email exchange, nonetheless, the warmth increased when we both suddenly became single.
Then abruptly the emails stopped coming. I became concerned and contacted mutual friends in "the city" inquiring after her. Another list member Lynn "Boo" Walsh replied that Kim was in the hospital with a serious breathing difficulty (flu/asthma/pneumonia). She wrote that Kim was due to be released soon and giving me her telephone number in Peekskill, said that she'd spoken to Kim and was passing along the message that Kim would welcome a phone call. So I called Kim and spoke to her for the first time. Kim had one of the most lovely speaking voices imaginable. In fact one of her girlfriend's boyfriend used to call her up just hear her speak. He jokingly said that Kim could make a fortune doing phone sex. The next day Kim returned my call. The warmth and spark created in our correspondence, burst into flame on the phone. We talked for hours. Our long distance phone bills were over 500$ Each Way that month! Although I was taking care of my parents, their health was good enough at that time to allow me to take a respite vacation. I drove to Peekskill to a motel and met Kim there. We rented a room and consummated our relationship. The following day we went to her apartment and I slept there the rest of my stay in NY. Janis the lady who shared the apartment with Kim was uptight about me being there during the day. So I spent my time on day trips up and down the Hudson River.
Kim and I with our avid interests in music and drumming attended many events over the next weeks (8JAN-19FEB1999). I have many fond memories from this time.
We took classes with Papa Ladji Camara (Guinea, Conakry), Vado Diomande (Ivory Coast) and three or four classes with Kim's teacher Kazi Oliver. We also attended a number of performances: three by Leon Parker (with Kazi Oliver, Alonzo Undly, Wendell Williams, Boo and others, including a wonderful solo from Kim), on another occasion Boo (on Songban for a dance class at Djoniba Dance Studio), two performances of the Kazi Oliver Drummers (Kim's drum class recitals), one of which I "sat in on" playing my Gankoqui (African Agogô bell AKA Gangkogui or Gonkogui), two performances of Les Mervilles (one a full dress rehearsal and the other a small production of six members put on by the Jamaica, Queens Public library); a class with followed by a performance by, Yaya Diallo at which I got autographed copies of his three latest CD's (at the time) and his "Healing Drum" book followed by a drum circle with Boo (Dunun), Sue Mulvey (Djembe), Beverly Nadleman (Djembe), and a cast of dozens. Another list member and virtual friend we hooked up with was Charlie Derr to whom I loaned a Djembe. I've since lost touch with him, so I hope he has learned to play that drum. I also met dozens of other people... Kim's family and friends, Boo's daughter Sahara ...it was a very social and colorful time of my life.
We also made a few shopping trips to the "indoor African flea market" a mini-warehouse building seven stories high on Manhattan Island, which netted me some more toys for my orchestra in the form of seven Djembes (Guinean, in the 12" head category), a Songban (nominally 12" head by 23" long), and a rope tuned Doumbek.
Subsequently, I made a second trip to the NYC area on this trip we met up with Jacqui MacMillan at a performance in the "Village" at the venue, Bitter End, of "Big Village" (the group she drums with) and audience response was enthusiastic. My favorite pieces were a version of Kakilambe' and one where Jacqui seated up on a heartbeat rhythm. On another occasion we hooked up with Boo, again. Boo, Kim and I went to the African flea market referred to above (more Djembe drums and a small Slit Gong), a Djembe shop in Brooklyn (a double bell for Dunun), and dropped in on Malike', a Senegalese tailor. I bought two of his elegant mud cloth hats. We also took in a more couple classes with Kazi Oliver. About this time Kim introduced me to one of my favorite food dishes, Fra Diavolo, which literally means "Brother Devil" in Italian, featuring a peppery sauce combined with seafood and pasta. We visited a number of Italian restaurants that featured this heavenly concoction. One candle-lit evening in gratitude for my generosity in spending a lot of money on her she went to specialty stores and bought the sauce and all the ingredients including fresh mussels, scallops and shrimp. She did an admirable job of preparing a large amount which we gobbled up like truck load of turkeys. It surprised both of us how little was left over.
On another trip north (first week of JUN1999) Kim and I met at 402 Broadway West, Cape May, NJ, where a three day long drumming party is held called BarkBash. It is thrown annually by list member "Barkman" (AKA Mark Jacopec) here we got to meet a number of other folks from the Djembe-L listserv including Barky and his family (wife, Carol and son, Christian) of course, Boo (again!), Shorty Palmer, Dan Trevino (with his crew from State College, PA), Tom Dadessio (and his two friends from Brazil, Juliano and Fernando), Diane Fiumara (and entourage of 6 other drummers and dancers from NYC - including Ato, Paige, Tammy and Eva). Boo brought me a broken Nyahbingi drum, the highest tone from the Rastafari trinity call a Repeater used for soloing, and traded it for two matched PVC drain pipe Kenkeni's I made expressly for her. After BarkBash, Kim returned to Peekskill, with me, as she'd ridden down with Boo. I stayed with her for a few weeks, again. During this time she was working at Best Web and had 600$ in cash in her purse to pay the rent for her and Janice's apartment. Someone stole her money. Kim was totally freaking out, so I offered to loan her what she needed and she proudly refused. She tried to raise the money with family... Roy her brother and her father (whose given name escapes me, in my mind he is "Big Daddy") and friends, to no avail. At last Kim accepted the cash from me to avoid being evicted.
Later that month we attended Clearwater, The Great Hudson River Revival at Croton Point Park in Croton-on-Hudson, Westchester County, NY. This annual event looms large in my memory, it was truly a great experience. Standout performances from Arlo Guthrie and Pete Seeger are prime. During the days while Kim worked at Best Web I spent many a time down by the Hudson in the riverside parks, playing my drum. One day I even soaked a skin directly in the river and headed a drum right there within sight of the nuclear power plant.
On the 4th of July weekend 1999, we went to the annual International African Arts Festival, Brooklyn, NYC, during a most intense Heatwave, that had the Shea Butter on sale melted and running like water. I scored my favorite Kenkeni and a Balafon, there for amazingly low prices. The power failed that week also, and with temperatures in triple digits it was quite an ordeal for that part of the world.
Things proceeded between Kim and I with me making trips north where I would stay for weeks at a time until summer ended, when my parents took a turn for the worse and needed me in a very increased way (my father Philip, passed in MAY2K). The time stretched out since my most recent visit and the long distance began to take its toll. Kim reneged on her promise to come to Florida to visit me, crying poverty. Later, she became angry that I wasn't paying close enough attention to her and she broke off the relationship when I refused to fight with her about it. To her this meant that I didn't love her enough. I still disagree, when someone gets into my heart they remain, there is no "out door" on my heart. At this point in time, she agreed to box up a drum and whatever personal effects I had left there in her apartment. This never happened.
In the summer of 2K, I was once again in the area, I called to see if she would like a visit from me. She was on vacation and unavailable. I left a message and she got back to me later. I inquired about the drum and such, she said that she'd given them away to charity
. Early in 2K6, having fallen on hard times, I was broke due to expenses related to the care of my parents. I was looking for a job and had not yet secured one. Then Kim got in touch with me and everyone else in her eddressbook, apparently, to announce her marriage to David Endlich. Since I was tapping everyone else that I'd loaned money to, I broached the subject with her. I wasn't demanding, I simply inquired as to whether or not there was any possibility of recompense. Her reaction was astonishing to say the least. Kim disrespected me, calling me names I won't repeat, and with extreme prejudice demanded that I take her eddress and other contact information out of my records and never attempt to speak to her, again. Without returning any of the vitriol or anger she expressed to me despite how deeply I was hurt by this display and harsh treatment, I granted her wish, deleting everything. While I've loaned out tens of thousands of dollars in my lifetime to folks in dire straights this was a singular response. Granted few of them have the wherewithal to repay me in kind, none have been so unkind, especially someone who once professed to love me.
After Beverly Nadleman broke news of Kim's death on Djembe-L, her husband David contacted me inquiring how I came to know Kim, as my eddress was in her records. I responded positively and warmly with great sympathy for his loss. This kindness was also rebuffed and I was requested by him to have no further contact. I pray for both of them, and all who grieve.
“One owes respect to the living. To the dead, one owes only the truth.”
- Voltaire, philosopher and writer (1694-1778)
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